The reason I am trying hard to put effort to all things I do, the reason I put my heart to all I love and the reason I want to do good deeds to people is because I know there will an end. They may end and I might end. Thus, before we reach that end at least I have done something good for them. However in reality, I really wish to have an end. Trying hard is exhausting, putting your heart is withering and doing good is being exploited.
It is like a story that I hope to end on its 30th or 33rd chapter. I have thought to end the story on its 30th but I did not, because of the readers. Instead I continued praying to end the story on 33rd. But even fate did not listen to my prayer.
The peron who put his heart to all his love has been killed on the 30th chapter. No, I killed him before he reach his 30th. Thus, the person who has the reason to put his heart is no longer part of the story.
The reason of doing good deeds to all is because of the wish to have an end. A peaceful ending on 33rd chapter. But today, the 34th chapter has started. The prayed target ending of the story has expired. The story crossed the ending spot of the path and it lose track as there is no more plot.
Now the story is on its 34th chapter without plot nor theme. It became like a blabbering. I may still able to put effort to what I do. But as there is no more heart, there is no more love. The fragrance of the flower has disappeared.
I am now on an open field, uninterested to take the right nor the left path. I cannot go back but to step forward as the story goes on and I lose the right to forcefully end it.
